From Eden
by A Crownless Queen
Summary: Ed knew that to lie to the military and everyone they knew was wrong, that there were other ways to get in, but State Alchemists had resources that enlisted officers did not have - resources that they needed to get their bodies back. So, she would just have to pretend to be a boy and become a State Alchemist.
1. 1

**FROM EDEN**

 _Ed knew that to lie to the military and everyone they knew was wrong, that there were other ways to get in, but State Alchemists had resources that enlisted officers did not have - resources that they needed to get their bodies back. So, she would just have to pretend to be a boy and become a State Alchemist._

For _AsiaMoonfield._  
Happy belated 18th and 19th, Kishia.

* * *

Three things:

1\. This isn't religious despite the scripture at the beginning; I just thought it fits the theme of both series. Granted, I was tempted to because the lack of showing both sides to religion still bothers me (seriously, if you're going to introduce controversial topics then, for Pete's sake, _show both sides_ , otherwise it just feels like you're shoving your worldview down someone's throat), but I decided not to because it wouldn't fit. And the whole thing is from Ed's point of view, who very clearly doesn't believe in God or some higher deity. (Unless Truth counts. And that's a can of worms I didn't want to open...)

2\. This was supposed to be short. As in, 3000-6000 words long short. Instead, it's 25,000 words long. Unedited. So I split it up into six (or seven) parts because it's not stopping.

3\. I wanted RoyEd. It didn't happen after I remembered that (s)he is only 11-16 in the series. Ugh. So, it's just... heavily implied. Like Edwin is. So read into that as much as you'd like - I left the pairings vague on purpose. Also, this is Kishia's very, very belated 18th birthday present. (She's 19. .) Hopefully, the wait was worth it?

* * *

 _The serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, "Did God really say, 'You must not eat from any tree in the garden?'"_

 _The woman said to the serpent, "We may eat fruit from the trees bin the garden, but God did say, 'You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.'"_

 _"You will not surely die," the serpent said to the woman, "For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil." -_ Genesis 3:1-5

* * *

 **[1]**

 **" _Hey_ ,** Alphonse?" Ed said eventually without looking up from the book she was reading. It was one of her better days, where the newly installed automail ports weren't horribly painful, and she wasn't in some fever-ridden haze. "Do you think the Lieutenant Colonel noticed...?"

She heard something like metal scraping against metal, like Al had shifted, and it reminded her so _much_ of how this was her fault, _all_ her fault, he shouldn't be _in_ that body and she had to _fix_ it—

The pause lengthened until she thought that Al might not reply to her question, but that wasn't in Al's nature; he had always been kinder than she was. So, Al answered slowly, like he was carefully considering every word he spoke, "I don't he would have suggested you would become a State Alchemist if he had."

* * *

Winry would joke occasionally about how Ed was more of a boy than Alphonse was whenever Ed would do something stupid like throw the first punch when the boys would gang up on her in school while Alphonse would try to settle thing peacefully with words rather than fists. It helped that she was rather undeveloped physically as well, she thought—The Lieutenant Colonel probably hadn't expected a _girl_ to have the nerve – or stupidity – to perform Human Transmutation.

Hah. What a joke. She was an idiot any way you sliced it.

"Ed," Winry said, watching as Ed gritted her teeth and limped through the kitchen. "Ed, women aren't _allowed_ to become State Alchemists, let alone when they're _twelve years old."_

"It's a stupid rule," she said, and she pointed a finger (a flesh one, and it was so strange that she had to make the distinction between metal and flesh now that she constantly kept being thrown off balance by it; but then again, she was used to not being steady at this point, was far too used to her world being ripped out from underneath her feet just when she thought she had found her equilibrium again) at Winry in a vaguely threatening gesture. "Women are way tougher than men anyway. We should be allowed in the military."

Winry moved forward, reached up, and sandwiched her hand in-between hers. "Women _are_ allowed to enlist in the military _._ Tell him you're a girl, that you can't take the exam to become a State Alchemists. If you're found out, you'll be treated as a traitor to Amestres. You'll be banished at best and executed at worst. It's not worth it, not when I'm sure you can achieve the same goal in another way. You're not above the rules, Ed."

For a moment, Ed wasn't sure how she could respond. She _knew_ Winry; she wouldn't accept anything but the full truth from her - not even a half-truth would satisfy her. And Ed knew that Winry _would_ pester her until she got an answer from her. Besides, Winry wasn't being just stubborn this time. Sure, she was clenching her jaw in the way that Ed was _oh so fond_ of, but Winry's eyes were also bright with something that looked suspiciously like tears and her hands were trembling ever so slightly which was freaking _terrifying._

Ed _definitely_ didn't like it when Winry cried; in fact, Winry crying was something she tried to avoid at all costs. She wasn't very good with the mushy-emotional stuff like Alphonse was.

She lifted her heavy metal hand until she could press it against Winry's hand to still its trembling, because metal was easier for her to understand now. Metal was a barrier between her and her feelings. She had no softness to give or pretty words to say like Alphonse or some random girl would. That wasn't her. She was brash and harsh and a despicable human being, because how could she be so arrogant _still_ to think she could make the rules of the universe bend for her, but one thing she _was_ good at was being so blunt that it was offensive.

"State Alchemists have more resources than a regularly enlisted soldier, Winry. I _need_ those resources. And if I have to pretend that I'm a boy to get those resources, and risk being found out... I'm willing to take it. If it helps me get Al his body back, I'm willing to do anything."

Tears overflowed in her powder blue eyes and clung to her eyelashes, and Ed carefully tightened her metal fingers into a squeeze, wishing she was something more comforting than cold metal and hardness, but this was _her_ punishment and she knew she deserved it for attempting the forbidden. Of course she did. But it was moments like this... She hoped that if she started to crush Winry's bones accidentally then she would have the commonsense to _tell_ her to stop.

"Winry..." She wanted to tell her to say something, to tell her how to make her stop _crying_ so much. She didn't _know_ how to deal with Winry when she was like this. Where was Al when she needed him?!

"I still don't think you should do this." Ed frowned, but before she could say something, Winry reached up and blindly slapped a hand over her mouth. "I really, really think that this is going to blow up in your face and something bad is going to happen to you. But, if you feel like this is what you have to do..."

She licked Winry's hand. Winry screeched and frantically wiped her hand against her shirt, slapping her chest hard enough that Ed had to grunt, disgust etched in every line of her face. Ed waited until she was finished before she moved forward and wrapped her arms around her in one of her rare hugs. Winry flailed for a moment before she returned it, still swiping one of hands across her back.

"You are disgusting," Winry said, but her voice was fond this time. "You should learn some manners from Al."

Ed smiled. "I should learn a lot of things from Al," she said softly as she pulled away. _Like humility, like listening to people, like a lot of things for sure._ "Thanks for understanding."

* * *

"Ready, Al?" Ed asked, tilting her head to the side as she smiled wickedly. "I won't go easy on you."

"And neither will I!" Alphonse retorted, swinging one leg out to knock her off balance. She weaved out of the way, pressing her automail foot against the ground and jumping back. She planted her flesh foot on the ground and allowed her momentum to swing around, and her foot crashed against Al's steel armor with a loud clang as he raised his hand to block her blow.

"So," he said casually as he caught her flesh fist before it slammed against his chest. She cringed when it smarted and mentally noted to use her automail fist next time. "What are you going to do about the physical exams?"

"No idea." She grunted and skidded back when she threw her arm back to block a back fist thrown at her side. Dust played at her feet before it settled again; the river _had_ been getting awfully low. "Maybe I'll luck out."

"Ed!" She grinned at his dismay and threw a barrage of back fists and feints at his guard. Alphonse kept up with them, and spoke up again, "Luck is a terrible variable to— to—! There's no way you'll get into the military as a State Alchemist without telling them you're a girl, _brother_."

"I won't know if I don't try," she sing-sang in response. What she didn't say was that she _was_ nervous; she could be arrested for pretending to be a man (or, well, boy in this instance) if something happened. But still. She needed those resources, if she was to find a way to Alphonse his body back. So she had to _try_ at least, and if something happened, then she would take the fall for it.

He sighed. "I just hope you know what you're doing."

She did too.

* * *

"In addition to that, Mr. Tucker has a daughter, who is about to turn four, who lives with him." Mustang said as they got out of the car. Ed frowned slightly; he hadn't mentioned a wife...

"Then he doesn't have a wife?" Alphonse asked, and Ed found herself wincing. She should probably tell Alphonse that it was better to observe when it came to things like that, rather than asking somebody about it.

A strange look crossed Mustang's face, like he was startled or judging them or _something._ Ed clenched her fists at her sides, silently _daring_ him to say something out loud. But he turned and began to walk to the gates of the mansion. "Here we are."

Of course, of _course,_ as soon as they stepped inside of the ridiculously fancy gated lawn, Ed found that she couldn't move her legs. It was... it was huge. And white. And blinding. The house. Was that even a house? It felt more like a palace than a house to her.

"Wow, it's _huge!_ " She couldn't help but exclaim.

"Incredible, huh, Brother?" Alphonse agreed. Mustang rang the bell and turned to them, a frown appearing on his face again.

"What are you doing? Come over here, quickly!"

They were not supposed to be ogling at the house, Ed remembered. "Oh, right!" She ran toward Mustang, but then she stopped because she heard something like a bush being moved—

She heard the howl of a wolf coming from right ... above ... her ... head. Before she could move, something large and shaggy and _white_ flopped over her, and she let out a yell as it crashed on her.

"B-Brother...?" She heard Alphonse stutter over the whining over the monstrous beast.

"You can't _do_ that, you know, Alexander!" A childish voice scolded and Ed looked up.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" The man – the little girl's father, maybe – apologized. Ed blinked. When she had imagined them, she had expected them to be stiff people who looked down on country bumpkins like her and Al, kind of like Mustang. Instead, they were... nice to them. Normal.

"You're ... Tucker?" she choked out, just to clarify.

* * *

The tolling of the clock startled Ed away from _An Advanced Guide to Alchemic Theory_ (which was absolutely _stimulating_ even though the title was ridiculously boring) and she listened as it rang once, twice, thrice.

"Oh, no. Is it this late already?" she wondered out loud. She stood up and looked around the library. "Al, where are you?" But he didn't respond. Maybe he was playing outside? It was possible; they _had_ been studying for a while...

"Al?" she called as she opened the door.

"Brother!" Alphonse yelled.

"Little Big Brother, it snowed!"

Ed's jaw dropped as she took in the cold, fluffy white stuff. There was so much of it. Back home, it had only snowed like this once during an unseasonably cold winter when she and Al had been kids.

Maybe she was supposed to act like an adult if she was about to sell her soul to the military, but she didn't care. She grinned and leapt forward, kicking her arms and legs out.

Time blurred and Ed found herself laughing as she collapsed into the snow. Nina flopped down next to her with a giggle, curling against her side. Her back was soaked through, her automail was stealing heat from her body, and her bones were cold, but for once she didn't mind the chill.

"Big Brothers, I wish that you could stay here all the time after you pass your test."

Her laughter caught in the back of her throat and fled. Ed rolled over onto her elbow and studied Nina's withdrawn expression. Living here all alone must get awfully boring...

She grinned and grabbed a piece of wood to draw a transmutation circle into the ground. Nina loomed over her as she sketched the circles into the snow fluidly,

"Big Brother, what are you drawing?" she asked when she was almost done with it. She drew the smaller triangle within the two circles.

She didn't look up as she responded, "It's called a transmutation circle. It's an incantation to get a wish granted." She smiled as she finished it, and caught Nina's eyes briefly before she pressed her hands against the array. "All right! Watch this!"

Impossibly, the smile on Nina's face widened as she finished making the flower crown. "Incredible! Incredible! Big Brother, that was incredible!" she babbled as Ed effortlessly weaved the flowers together into her hair and put it on Nina's head.

"Not bad," a slightly familiar voice said, causing Ed to turn. Square rimmed glasses framed familiar green eyes, and she finally remembered the man's name. He had come into Colonel Mustang's office once, with a stack of pictures, and had talked and talked and _talked_ about his kid. (Ed sort of wished _her_ dad was more like him, but ... well. She didn't like thinking about him very much, if she could help it.)

"Lieutenant Colonel Hughes?" she asked hesitantly, hoping that was his name and hoping even more that she had said the correct rank. Hughes smiled as he waved at them, and she thought that it was a real smile because his eyes closed.

"Hey there! I've come to pick you up for my darling Elica's birthday party. It's your birthday today too, right Ed? We can make it a double celebration."

Ed blinked, a little surprised. She hadn't told anybody about her birthday. Actually, she had forgotten that it _was_ today.

"Now that you mention it..." Alphonse, apparently, had forgotten that it was her birthday today too.

"How would you know something like that?" she wondered out loud, forgetting that it was a slightly rude question, and she had to be polite to these people otherwise they could block her from becoming a State Alchemist. Hughes didn't seem insulted though.

"I _am_ in the research department, you know. Come on, let's go to my house. My wife is waiting." Ed looked back at Nina when her hands fell from the flower crown to her sides. Something like disappoint crossed her face. "You too there, little lady. Go ask your father if you can come. A celebration is more fun if you celebrate it with everyone!"

With the wide smile on Hughes face, and the smile lines prominent around his eyes, Ed decided that he was okay. So she grinned back at him.

* * *

"It could be a physical exam or a question and answer session," Alphonse muttered as he paced around and 'round the small room they had staked out the closer they got to the entrance exam and the longer they stayed at Mr. Tucker's mansion. "Ed, there's no way _you_ can risk them finding out that you're a—" He glanced around and lowered his voice, leaning forward. "That you're a _girl._ "

She bit her lip. "Between the two of us, I have the better chance of becoming a State Alchemist... they _can't_ know about your metal body."

Her imagination was only too vivid, a number of scenarios bouncing around in her head. They could dissect him to try to figure out how she attached his soul to his body. Or worse.

His eyes dimmed slightly. "And they can't know about you either, brother. They'll brand you as a traitor to Amestris."

"I don't care about that." She pretended she felt braver than she actually did, putting false bravado into her voice. "If there's a chance this'll work, then I'm going to take it."

He stopped pacing in front of her, and she missed seeing his face. It had been so expressive; she'd been able to tell what he was thinking just by watching the pitch of his eyebrows or the curl of his lips sometimes. Now, his face was blank. There was nothing that she could see that told her what he was thinking.

But that was okay. She'd find another way to read him.

"We justified breaking a taboo because nobody else had been brave enough to do it. What's to say that this isn't another one of those? Why are _we_ allowed to bend the law to do what we need to do? Where is our justification in _that_?"

She didn't know. But maybe that was because there was none. However, she also didn't care. This was the path they needed to tread. "Trust me," she whispered. _Please, just trust me. I don't know what I'm doing but I'll find a way to make it work._

Alphonse sighed. "I do."

* * *

"Al... We chose the right path, didn't we?" Ed wondered out loud, late at night after the interview. She stared at the ceiling, still waiting for sleep to come. She wasn't really expecting Alphonse to reply, though she did know that he would listen to her.

"I don't know," he replied, and she looked at him, moving onto her side far enough that she could meet Alphonse's eyes. "But the one thing I am sure about is that I want to touch you once again, Sister." She pushed herself up, and Alphonse's gaze rose minutely. "It's strange. Here we are, always so close to each other, but I can't even remember what it feels to touch you, or the warmth of your body."

She didn't have an answer for that. After all, what could she say to that? _She_ had been the one who had put her little brother into that steel body. _She_ had been the one who insisted that they commit the ultimate taboo. _She_ was the one who should be paying the higher price, it had been _her_ idea to try to bring mom back from the dead, but it had been Alphonse who had paid the heavier toll.

Maybe this wasn't the right path, but it was the one that they had chosen for themselves, so they would _make_ it work. She knew that he didn't agree with her plan, that he thought that she shouldn't try to join the State Alchemist program, but she knew that he would go along with her plan because he trusted her.

At least, she hoped he trusted her.

"I hope you know what you're doing, Ed."

 _I do know what I'm doing_ was the first thing she wanted to say, but the words didn't come out. Instead, she settled for, "Me too."

It was the closest thing that felt like she was telling him the truth in a long time.

* * *

"Hmm." It might have been funny how such a simple sound could send Ed's teeth on edge. Or maybe it was just the Colonel's smug face that was making her angry. He was a jerk to her, most of the time. One that had taken a child like her to utilize to propel himself through the ranks of the military. But a jerk that she needed to get their bodies back.

She totally wasn't nervous. At all. Not even a little. At least the physical part of the exam had been more along the lines of releasing health records and showing off a little alchemy, and not an actual examination exam of her body. That would have destroyed every shot of becoming a State Alchemist. If she was even smart enough to get in. Which was questionable. Maybe she should have went through the answers a second time? Just to make sure she had gotten them correct? But no, she hadn't even been able to get through to the last question before time had been called. How was she supposed to check her answers?

"The Fuhrer sure gave you an ironic name."

"What?" But she released a sigh of relief, relaxing into Mustang's couch. She had made it. She was a State Alchemist. Mustang held the file folder out to her, rising out of his chair, and she took it from him before they settled back down.

"Nothing." He rested his elbows on the desk and folded his hands, one over the other. "Congratulations, you are now officially the military's dog."

She slid the single sheet of parchment out of the file. It was so light, so easily torn into two pieces, but it held such a heavy weight. "Hmm, this is the contract..." she said half to herself. "It's surprising that it's just one piece of paper for such a high title. 'I, Fuhrer President King Bradly, hereby appoint thou, Edward Elric, as a State Alchemist, and bestow thee with the title " _Fullmetal._ '" Before she could stop herself, she raised an eyebrow at the title and turned to face the Colonel. "Fullmetal?"

"That's right. It is the second name that's given to all state alchemists. The name that you'll be carrying is 'Fullmetal Alchemist.'"

A smirk curled at her face, and she allowed it to take hold. Delight wormed its way through her and she found herself saying, "I like it. Sounds like something heavy to carry." Determination mixed with the delight and she leaned forward ever so slightly, locking her stare with Mustang's. "But I'll do it. I'll carry it."

* * *

The sun was sinking below the horizon, setting the world ablaze with a golden-red glow. The familiar sound of Alphonse's clanking armor was comforting against Nina's soft snoring. She looked at her hands again. So, it hadn't been a fluke; she _could_ transmute like Teacher...

Despite warnings, Icarus had flown too close to the sun, melting his wax wings and plummeting into the sea. Like Icarus, her wings had melted because she had flown too close to the sun and she had come crashing down to the earth. However, unlike Icarus, she would not give up. If she could not fly, then, half-drowned, she would walk. Maybe her legs weren't strong enough to stand on their own strength yet, but she could use these hands to crawl forward.

"Al..." she said slowly, and she stopped. She half turned so that she could look at Alphonse straight in the eye. "I'm going to stop wavering. I'm going to just look straight ahead and race forward. If I dead end, then I'll deal with that then." She smiled, and it felt freeing for some reason, so she held her fist to Alphonse. "Someday, no matter what, I'm going to return you back to the way you were."

She thought that if he could, Alphonse would be smiling as he nodded once. "When you do, Brother, your body will be there with me."

And he bumped his fist against hers, sealing the pact.


	2. 2

**[2]**

 _ **Perhaps**_ it should have felt odd to her longer. Maybe it should have worried her how easy it came to her.

But it was so effortless for Ed to pretend she was a boy around people who hadn't known her for her whole life. And yes, she had always tilted to being a little boyish (as if the kids in her school would ever let her forget); Al was always there to be all nice and stuff for her to the point that he was sometimes more of a girl than _she_ was. After all, she had never been empathetic like Winry or sweet like her brother.

Being a boy was _easy._ It was easy for Ed to swear like a sailor (Lieutenant Havoc supplied her with a _lot_ of interesting choices). Speaking more harshly and louder until she forgot what she _should_ sound like didn't cause her any trouble. Walking like a boy, on the other hand, was something she wasn't able to pick up as easily though; it was hard to replicate Mustang's swagger, not that she'd tell him that to his face. Ever.

So she made up for it by swearing _loudly_ and being obnoxious _just_ until it stretched people's patience thin. And then she would back off, because she wasn't stupid enough to give them another reason to throw her out of the military.

It helped that she was too busy trying to get Al's body back to be around Mustang's people much. She didn't think she would be able to hide as easily then.

[***]

"Big Brothers!"

"Nina!" Ed cried out in delight as the little girl bolted down the steps of her mansion. She caught her underneath her arms and swung her around, pivoting on the front of her foot from her momentum. She laughed with her, delight pooling in her stomach and boiling over.

"Where did you go this time?" she asked, when Ed had put her down again and Al had stooped down to give her his own hug. Ed scowled.

"The Basta—" She stopped herself from finishing that word by coughing. Right. Nina. There was no way she was going to get in trouble with Mr. Tucker by teaching his five-year-old kid how to cuss. "Colonel Mustang gave me a useless mission to some mining town to weed out some thievin' lieutenant."

Nina frowned, her nose scrunching up adorably. "That doesn't sound useless to me. You helped those people!"

She laughed, rubbing the back of her neck as she averted her eyes. A blush burned through her face and her cheeks like a hot oven. But she felt something like pride too. Praise was something that she had never grown accustomed to, and it was rare to come by these days, what with constantly causing trouble and giving the Colonel extra paperwork to fill out.

(Ed always felt a little prickle of delight whenever he complained to her about it, and she always ignored the shame. Serves him right for throwing hissy fits.)

"Do you want to go to the park, Nina?" Al asked, and she looked up at him in surprise. Didn't he realize that she had to give Mustang his precious report? She was sure the bastard had his eyes and ears everywhere in East City. He probably already knew they were here.

"Al...?"

"We both know anything that annoys Colonel Mustang makes you happy, brother." She raised an eyebrow at him, sensing that he wasn't telling her the real reason. If anything, he was dodging her question by stating a fact that was as obvious as the sky being blue. Of _course_ anything that annoyed Mustang made her happy. It was her secondary life's mission after getting Al's body back.

"What say you?" she asked, tapping her chin as she met Nina's wide eyed stare. She couldn't stop herself from smiling. Being around the kid always made her feel better.

"Yeah!" Nina cheered, jumping up and down. She climbed onto Al's shoulders, who laughed and helped her up. Ed played with her sleeve.

"Let me tell your dad you're with us, okay? I don't want him to worry." She said for Nina's benefit, because this _was_ what a normal family acted like. Parents were supposed to worry about their kids; she'd seen Lieutenant Colonel Hughes fret and fawn over Elicia more than enough times to understand that. But she had a feeling that Mr. Tucker wouldn't even notice if Nina was gone.

"Okay! Let's go, Big Brother Al!"

Ed waved at them, before she turned and eyed the imposing doors.

 _You could just be projecting,_ she reminded herself as she marched up to the mansion and rang the doorbell. _Not everyone is like dad._

When Mr. Tucker didn't answer the door, she traded a look with Al silently telling him to go ahead of her. She'd tell Mr. Tucker on her own – It wasn't like he wouldn't want Nina to not go with them. Anything to get his kid out from underneath his feet was bound to make him feel happy. Besides, Nina was going to be with her and Al. It wasn't like they were irresponsible.

Or, well, Al wasn't.

"Brother...?"

"Go on," she said, and tossed a smile over her shoulder as she opened the door. "I'll just tell Mr. Tucker that we're going to the park. You don't have to wait for me."

She could _feel_ his uncertainty, so she stepped into the house and closed the door behind her with a soft click. There. Now he would go to the park and Nina would have fun. He couldn't say no if she didn't give him an opportunity to.

"Mr. Tucker?" she called, and she walked down the hall where she thought his lab was. It wasn't like she had any reason to wander down there before, but she knew that if he wasn't up here, then he'd probably be down there somewhere.

"Hey, Mr. Tucker, Al and I are going to take Nina to the—Ahh!" She flailed when a hand clutched her shoulder, her heart jumped, and she stomped her automail foot against the assailant's foot. Hard. The other person cursed and released her shoulder. She pivoted, bringing her fists up to guard her chest.

Then she recognized Mr. Tucker.

She relaxed, though she felt a little guilty for stomping on his foot. But he shouldn't have startled her like that, so she shouldn't feel guilty. At the very least, they were both at fault.

"Sorry, Mr. Tucker." She nibbled her bottom lip at the way his face twisted, though from pain or anger she was unsure. "I didn't realize it was you."

"I-it's okay," he replied, strengthening slowly. He waved his hand like he was absentmindedly swatting away a pest. "I should have known better to startle you... Battle reflexes, of course. It's not your fault, Edward."

She shuffled her feet, feeling awkward. "Um, Al took Nina to the park. I was going to go after them."

Mr. Tucker peered at her over the rim of his glasses. "Next time, tell me before you take her somewhere."

 _It's not like you're my father._ She bit her tongue and ducked her head. She heard Al's voice telling her not to say "I didn't think you'd care about it" because it wouldn't be _appropriate._

"I will. Sorry, sir. You're right. I didn't think about it."

He didn't say anything, and she pressed her heels together, unconsciously falling into one of the stances Mustang had drilled into her head. Maybe next time, she shouldn't send Al ahead of her if she had to talk to Mr. Tucker alone. Something about this situation made her feel uneasy. There was no way she wanted to be in it again.

"There is something I wanted to show you, if you have a minute?"

Honestly, she didn't _want_ to see what he had to show her. She wanted to get to Alphonse and Nina and she wanted to go to the park. But she agreed, because her curiosity was stronger, and followed him into his lab.

Something like guilt played with disgust as she took in the animals locked in their cages. It almost looked like they were malformed or something, like they were being starved. She inched closer to a cat and leapt back when it hissed at her, bumping into a crate of barking dogs. Its eyes glowed eerily in the dim lighting of the cage, and she wasn't sure if it was her imagination getting away from her, but she could have sworn its teeth were longer than usual, like those from the pictures of tigers she had seen in her books in primary school.

"Stay close to me," Mr. Tucker said, and she followed on his heel, not even bothering to put up the pretense of an argument. This place was too depressing, too... she didn't know. She pulled her arms close to her chest as if that would ward off the feeling of despair that lurked in the edges of her mind. "Ah, here it is. The array..."

She frowned when he showed it to her. There was a lion here, and a ... an upside-down rabbit there. The lines of the array crisscrossed over each other, forming something closer to several parabolas than a triangle.

Patterns. She started to recognize patterns in this array. The lion was in the same place as it would be in a transmutation array, just like the upside-down rabbit was on the south side of the array. There was the symbol for the soul, but it was in a different spot... and these curving lines. They weren't straight like they were in a human transmutation circle.

 _Different, yes, but... derived from a human transmutation circle, perhaps?_

"This is – this is almost like a human transmutation array!" she said, giving it back to him with a shake of her head. "I... Why do you have something like that?"

Mr. Tucker considered her for a moment. "It's theoretical, Edward. It's an array to give animals more intelligence. It's still imperfect, but I'm almost there..." There was something strange about the light in his eyes, something not entirely there. "I was hoping you could give me some insight. You're a much more skilled alchemist than I am." He held the paper out to her, and she took it from him after hesitating.

There were imperfections in this array, but it was almost too foreign for her to understand it entirely, which definitely grated on her nerves. There wasn't an anchor for the soul, though she wasn't sure why _that_ was there in the first place.

"There's no anchor for the soul." she said, giving it back to him. "But I don't understand most of this. It's like reading a foreign language to me."

"It's remarkable that you're able to discern that much. You truly are a prodigy."

 _Has there ever been any doubt?_ She smiled at him instead of saying that out loud, and rubbed the back of her neck. She wanted to get out of here still, as soon as she could. "I'm going to go find Al and Nina. Thanks, Mr. Tucker."

Mr. Tucker nodded. "Have fun, Edward."

She pressed her hands together to hide the way they were trembling, and closed the door of the lab behind her with a soft click. As soon as she got out of the house and into the nippy sunshine, she breathed easier.

[***]

The shrieking of childish laughter soothed Ed's rattled nerves as she settled down by the trunk of the tree with a book she had picked up at one of the bookstores on an impulse. A part of her still stung from Mr. Tucker's scolding, making her unable to give chase after them quite yet.

She traced the golden letter that formed the title _Myths and Legends of the East._ The spine crackled when she opened it, and she winced at the sound. Sure, the leather had been cracked when she had bought it, but she hadn't expected it to be old enough for pages to be yellow.

Glancing up, she saw Al chase after Nina. Wait, Nina was running with somebody else... brown hair and a pink dress. Probably a little younger than her. Very familiar.

Wait a moment. That was Elicia. And if Elicia was here, then that meant...

"Hello there, Ed!" A familiar voice greeted her, and she yelped out of surprise more than fear. Lieutenant Colonel Hughes studied her as she stopped trying to scramble away from him and strengthened her spine. "It's a wonderful day to be watching my darling Elysia, though I wasn't expecting you or Al to be here until tomorrow. Roy certainly wasn't!"

 _Roy? Oh, he must mean Mustang._

She sighed and closed her book, surrendering to this chatterbox. It wasn't like she'd be able to read it. He'd probably invite her and Al to eat, and then he'd try to convince them to stay the night at their place and he'd get Elicia to team up with him to get them to cave in.

"Yeah, the train was fast, so we figured we'd visit Nina and say hi to Mr. Tucker. He's been working pretty hard, it seems."

"Looks like you've been working pretty hard too." Hughes looked at her over the rim of his glasses pointedly. She laughed, and gave him an innocent smile.

"What? This is for recreational reading." But then she dropped her gaze at Nina's shriek from laughter, and traced the spine.

"Mind keeping this old man company then? I haven't had anything interesting to listen to, unless you count my darling Elicia starting preschool." And he sounded genuine, so she smiled at him, unable to help herself.

"Mustang's old. You're not." She stretched, popping her back, and settled back against the base of her tree trunk. "What has Elicia been up to lately?"

As he talked her ear off about his darling Elicia and how big she's gotten and how sweet she was, the unsettled feeling eventually left her.

"Big Brother Ed!" Nina suddenly stood in front of her, propping her hands on her hips as she stared at her with righteousness. (Why was this stance so familiar? ... Wait, was she _imitating her?_ )

"What? What?" She placed her book to the side, straightening her posture as she looked at Nina in the eye.

"You're the damsel in distress, Elicia is the knight, I'm the tower, and Big Brother Al is the _good_ dragon." Nina giggled as she grabbed her hand, tugging her to her feet. Ed stared at her, nonplussed by her strength.

"Damsel in distress?" she wondered out loud. "But Nina, I'm a guy. Besides, I'm a terrible damsel in distress."

Nina cackled. "Exactly! Big Brother Al is a good dragon and you're an awesome damsel in distress and Elicia wanted to be the knight in shining armor, but she _also_ wanted to be the bad guy so she could practice her evil cackle, and since dragons can't cackle, she got to be an _evil_ knight! And I'm the talking, moving tower!"

Figures. Ed found herself laughing as she got dragged into this bizarre game. She and Elicia had teamed up to be _evil_ damsels in distress and knights while Nina and Al ended up being the good guys. Somehow, Ed ended up at the bottom of a dogpile when Alexander decided it was time to knock her over. And Hughes, as she had expected, decided to invite them (and Nina) over to have dinner with him and Mrs. Hughes and Elicia.

By the end of the day, she had all but forgotten about those transmutation circles that Mr. Tucker had shown her.

[***]

"Are you all right, Ed?"

Ed laid still, staring up at the white ceiling of the spare bedroom that Mrs. Hughes had convinced them to use after they had dropped Nina off at her house, and wished it held the answer to her problems. Yeah, those arrays for Tucker might be theoretical _now,_ but what's to say in the future? What if Tucker stopped skirting around the edge of human transmutation and...

She flicked her flesh finger against the side of her head. No. That was stupid; Tucker _knew_ what had happened to her and Alphonse when they had tried the forbidden. He was smarter than that. A grown man. Grown men were supposed to be responsible and not reckless. Besides, he had Nina to look after.

Even if he paid no attention to her because of his alchemic project.

"I don't know," she answered, relaxing back into the mattress. "My head's too full to shut up long enough to fall asleep."

Alphonse hummed, but he didn't say anything, and she wondered if he could remember what that felt like. Talking. Humming. His body couldn't sleep, or eat, or feel anything. Maybe he had even forgotten about that too...

"Sister, stop it."

As always, Alphonse knew when her mind was spiraling down into a destructive road. She closed her eyes and began counting sheep.

[***]

Mustang was talking with his stupid smirk and that annoying drawl that she always tuned out. Tucker shouldn't even _have_ knowledge of those arrays. Nobody should. It could hurt them—

"Fullmetal." Mustang's different tone triggered her attention and she focused on him. He was frowning ever so slightly, but she couldn't read his expression. Smug bastard. "Your attention span is unusually _short_ today. Is there something bothering you?"

"DON'T CALL ME SMALL!" Her heart wasn't really in it, so she deflated before she could launch into a tirade about how she was not short for her age, thank you very much; in fact, she was a perfectly normal height. For a girl. But she _wasn't_ a girl, obviously, which meant that she was short. For a guy.

Mustang raised one elegantly smoothed eyebrow. How long had he spent standing by the mirror, preening his eyebrows to get them that neat? Still, she knew that look and she slouched further into her seat, crossing her arms. Stupid, annoying, smug, narcissistic, self-serving—

"If you are quite finished insulting me," Mustang drawled. She sat up, planting her feet on the ground as she leaned forward, resting her forearms on her knees.

"How did you know what I was thinking?" she demanded. If she got him talking enough about himself, he would drop whatever false act of concern he had played up for her to get her to trust him.

(This was the most disconcerting thing about him: He had good men and Hawkeye willing to give their lives to him if he asked, but he was so willing to drag two children into an adult's war to further himself into the Fuhrer's favor.)

Mustang studied her for a long moment, and, inexplicably, she wanted to squirm under that steady, nonjudgmental, gaze. It was so hard for her to read his motivations, his intentions toward them... "Your face is an open book."

"Oh." She wasn't expecting him to answer her, so she didn't have a smart reply. His lips twitched and she tensed, prepared to yell at him. He was mocking her again, wasn't he?

"As admirable as your attempt at dodging my question is, I _would_ like to know why you're so scatterbrained today."

There! There was that strange expression on the bastard's face. _She_ might be an open book, but he certainly wasn't. It was strange, but this crazy urge to _confide_ in Mustang about what Tucker had shown to her tugged her from somewhere deep inside. If there was anyone who could do anything about it, it was him with his meddling and stuff. But, at the same time, her instincts could be wrong, and she didn't know if Mustang would just go and arrest Tucker without proof.

She couldn't trust him with Nina. And besides, Tucker probably was just experimenting, theorizing on paper... After all, that was what all alchemists did. Even if it was depraved in her eyes.

(But this was the scarier part: that she _wanted_ to trust Mustang. He was her salvation; he had been the one who had given her life a purpose, a goal, a _way_ to get Alphonse's body back; and he could just as easily be her damnation. If he found out about her gender, he would have to tell the Fuhrer. He could tell Bradley about Al's body, about the taboo they committed. And while she knew she deserved to pay for her sins, she couldn't until she got Al his body back.)

"It's nothing," she said with a shake of her head. "I'm just worried about Al. We haven't made any progress on the Philosopher's Stone. That mining town was a waste of time."

Whatever possibility of concern might have been on his face vanished. She wasn't sure how she felt about that, but at least that _stare_ was no longer focused on her. "Speaking of the stone, there's been rumors of a priest in Liore who can create objects out of nothing."

Ed tried to stop herself from smiling. It wouldn't do for her to show that, for once, she felt genuinely grateful toward the bastard. "Me and Al'll get on the next train to East City."

She stood up and swept out of the room without waiting for a dismissal. Mustang's call of "Fullmetal" halted her when she reached the door, and she looked back at him. There it was again, that strange, searching look that made her want to squirm, that she couldn't read.

"Is there something you're not telling me?"

She hesitated. And then she opened her mouth, her thoughts a jumble of mixed feelings and worries and—

"Sir." Hawkeye opened the door, a stack of paperwork in her arms, and she never felt more grateful for being interrupted by someone. Hawkeye gaze was piercing as it swept over her and then fell on Mustang. "These are considered important and they're due by noon."

Mustang deflated, a wounded look appearing on his face. Ed smiled at Hawkeye as she slipped out, not missing the way she glanced between them.

(If Hawkeye hadn't come in, she didn't think she would have been able to stop herself from spilling everything to Mustang.)

[***]

"So, when we get back to East, and after I report to the Bastard Colonel, do you want to pick up Nina before we go to Lieutenant Colonel Hughes'?" Ed asked Alphonse as she finished penning the annoying report Mustang had ordered her to write. Seriously, why did he _care_ about some specific format? It was hard enough to keep the lines straight when she was writing with her non-dominant hand, let alone with the way he wanted her to write this crap in neat rows. It was making her hand cramp up! Was it possible to train her _right_ hand to write like she had to do with her left? Maybe then she'd be able to write without getting tired of it...

 _Huh, I'll have to ask Winry that next time I call or see her._

"Sure!" Alphonse agreed, and she smiled slightly, relaxing back into the uncomfortable chair as she curled her legs underneath her, pulling a book out of her satchel and (carefully) folding the report into the extra pocket she had made for them after Mustang had gotten on her case about having a wrinkled report. "Hey, Brother...?"

"Yeah?"

"Why do you always make sure we see Nina every time? I mean, I'm not complaining, but it's not like we see Elicia this much and Hughes basically _kidnaps_ us all the time."

Oh, Alphonse. He looked so _small_ when he asked that question, like the kid that he really was and not the tower of armor that most people saw. It was so easy for her to forget that he was still only eleven; only a _kid._ They were both kids, but she felt so much older than twelve, especially in moments like these.

"Well, it's not like Nina has a sister or a brother, yeah? And that house's pretty big when you don't have anyone to play with." And Ed wasn't sure if she was projecting or not, since she _really_ didn't have a good experience with father figures, but she didn't think that Tucker really paid much attention to Nina. When mom had been alive, she had always told them to tell her where they were going and to be back before sundown, but Tucker just didn't seem to ... care. About what Nina did.

"Oh, okay." Alphonse seemed satisfied with her explanation, for now at least. Ed had a feeling that he would eventually press her about it again later; in days or weeks or years, she didn't know. But she knew he would ask her again eventually.

Eventually being the key word. A part of her wished that she could accept things as easily as he did now. The other part of her knew better than to think he accepted things as easy as that.

[***]

"Hey, Hawkeye." Ed returned the smile she gifted her with before she looked at Breda and Havoc who were... standing over a table? She crept closer to them, because that looked way more interesting than having to deal with Mustang's stupid smirk as he pointed out a dozen different flaws in her report, with Alphone's clanking footsteps following.

"No!" Havoc yelled around his cigarette, slamming his hands on the table. "I don't accept this, you sick—" He cut himself off and looked at Ed with a sheepish expression. "Hiyah Boss, Alphonse. Don't suppose you two know chess? Breda's even beaten the Chief."

"I'm rubbish," Ed said unapologetically. "Al's better at that kind of stuff than me."

"Brother's only good at games he can _cheat._ " Alphonse whispered loudly in that way that was meant to be conspiratorial, but it absolutely wasn't. The _traitor._ "He'd be good if he just took the time to learn it the _proper_ way."

" _Al!_ "

Havoc laughed. "Don't be so..."

"Scandalized?" Breda suggested when Havoc frowned.

"Yeah, scandalized! Don't be so scandalized, boss. Everybody knows you cheat at card games. There's no other way you can win so much."

Ed sniffed. "Maybe I'm just _luckier_ than the rest of you?"

For a moment, they just looked at each other like they were seriously considering it. She didn't buy it for a second.

"No way," said Falman. "It is statistically impossible for you to be ' _lucky'_ one-hundred percent of the time."

Hawkeye cleared her throat, causing them all to jump. "Edward," she said very clearly, and pointedly looked at the Colonel's office. Ed allowed her shoulders to slump minutely before she squared them and held her head high again.

"If he calls me small..." She didn't finish the threat out loud, but everyone _obviously_ knew what she meant.

"You'll scream at him, proving your _lungs_ aren't small?" Alphonse asked innocently enough, but somebody snorted with laughter, and she _knew_ that he was insulting her somehow. She gestured at her eyes with her middle and pointer finger, and then she jabbed them at his chest. She spun on her heel, making sure her hair smacked Alphonse on the shoulder as she marched passed him.

"More temperamental than a _girl,_ " she heard Havoc mutter as she kicked Mustang's door open and she pretended she hadn't heard that. After all, a statement like that hit a little _too_ close to home.

"HELLO BASTARD, I'M HERE BRIGHT AND EARLY AS YOU WANT!" She screamed, and felt more cheerful when Mustang jumped and spilled his coffee all over his paperwork.

"Fullmetal! That could have been _important!_ "

"Isn't it all important?" She threw herself on his couch, tossing her legs over the arm of it as she kicked her boots off. "Here's your report. I'm going to take a nap, I'm beat."

Mustang rolled his eyes as he stood up and walked around his desk, snatching it from her hands. "Go ahead. Make yourself at home, kid."

She bristled, but threw her arm over her eyes to block out the sunlight as he sat down in some chair across from her. She hadn't been a 'kid' since her mother had died.

[***]

"Sorry, boys. I promised Nina I would play with her when I made a breakthrough on my research, and I have." Nina grinned at Mr. Tucker, and Ed smiled too. So, her assumptions had been incorrect... He really had been just busy, but now that he wasn't... "Next time you're in East city?"

She shrugged one shoulder. "It might be a while before we come back." When Nina looked disappointed, Ed added, "I'll stop by and play with you tomorrow, if that's okay with your dad?"

She beamed at him and hugged her around her legs. "You're the best, Big Brother Ed!" Ed laughed and ruffled her hair. Nina pouted up at her as she lifted her hand to smooth it back down. "I take it back, Big Brother _Al_ is the best."

"Nina!" Mr. Tucker scolded.

Alphonse laughed nervously. Ed huffed, pretending to be annoyed, but she really wasn't. At all. "I suppose I can accept that. Al's pretty awesome."

[***]

Instead of heading to East Library as was their habit, Ed found herself leading Al to the small park that they normally visited with Nina.

"Uh, brother...?" Al said, clearly recognizing the route they were taking. She smiled at him, hefting her book.

"It's such a beautiful day. It'd be a shame to stay inside the library, yeah?"

Al chuckled, and she saw the humor in her statement. Usually, he would have to drag her kicking and screaming out of the library to see the sunlight so that she wouldn't become as pale as a ghost. (If that was possible; she was a combat alchemist, so she was out in the sun whenever Mustang sent them out on some mission.) Ed opened the book and moved closer to him, trusting that he would keep her from tripping over a pothole in the middle of the street.

"Maybe next time we go to Central, we should say hi to Mr. Hughes. We haven't seen him much since he's moved."

"Mhm," she agreed distractedly. "I think Elicia's birthday is coming up soon."

"In three months. That's not anytime soon, Brother." Al sounded exasperated, but that might have been because he had to stop her from walking out on the street in front of an approaching car. The tires splashed left-over water at her legs, and Ed held the book above her head to protect it.

"Uh..." she said, staring down at her now dirty cloak. "Can you hold this?" She held the book out, and he took it from her. Ed grinned, clapped her hands together, and pressed it against her coat.

[***]

 _Sick, twisted,_ _ **bastard.**_

Ed stared at the poor creature that had once been a little girl and her dog, fury making her limbs tremble even as Al held her away from the monster that had perverted alchemy. Tears stung at her eyes and her stomach rolled with nausea.

 _How dare he. How dare he use alchemy like this... how dare he hurt Nina like this..._

Why would he do this to his own _daughter_?

[***]

"If something such as an act of the devil exists in this world, this case is just that." Ed heard Hawkeye say.

"The devil, huh... But if it is an order, State Alchemists must make their move, without hesitation, to take human lives. If it's about human lives, there really isn't much difference between where we stand and what Mr. Tucker did." Someone stepped into a puddle, but she didn't look up. "You were aware of that, and yet you still chose this path."

She clutched her biceps.

"Am I right, Fullmetal?"

 _Yes,_ no – she didn't _know._ She hadn't thought something like this would happen to Nina, who was so little, so _young._ She was _innocent._ And then Tucker had gone and perverted that innocence into a ... a _monstrosity._

"I'm sure you'll run into incidents like this in the future again. There may be times where you have to soil your hands. Are you going to come to a stop like that every time it happens?"

 _Bastard. Sick, cold, twisted_ _ **bastard.**_ For the first time in her life, Ed honestly felt like she hated _someone._ She wasn't sure if it was Tucker or Mustang or the both of them for being so uncaring, because Nina was – had been a _child;_ how could she be affected by this world's cruel touch by someone who she should have protected her?

Why had it happened to _Nina?_ Why a _child?_ Children were supposed to be protected. Children like Nina and her and Al; they were all just children, they should have been _protected_ from people like their fathers, and yet they had been swept into an adult's cruel game and their ignorance and innocence had been stolen from them.

And it had been her stupidity, her _naivety,_ that had gotten them into these situations. They had to pay the price for _her_ mistakes and there was no way she could fix Nina.

But she...

She couldn't stop yet. There were promises she had to keep, things she had to do, before she could give up. She had to fix her mistakes, try to find a way to find redemption for _her_ sins.

But she was just so _tired._

"Whether they call me a dog of the military, or curse me as a devil, Al and I will get out bodies back. But..." Her hands, metal and flesh, hidden underneath pure white clothes, trembled as she gripped her cloak. "We're neither devils, nor gods at that! We're humans. We're just humans!"

And now bile stung her throat and left a bad taste on her tongue. She was trembling, she knew it, and she watched as Mustang and Hawkeye walked away, their backs toward her, their faces untouchable. She'd thought that they were okay for being in the military, that even though Mustang was a bastard, at least he seemed to care about them. After all, he was friends with _Hughes,_ and Hughes was probably the _only_ father she knew who wasn't a piece of work.

But they didn't. They just _accepted_ this, like this wasn't an _atrocity_ that should have never been committed.

Still, she should have _told_ him about Tucker, about the transmutation circle; maybe if she had, he would have had to search Tucker's house. Maybe Nina would still be human and whole and not that _thing_ that was neither. She should have trusted her gut instincts, should have trusted that Mustang would know how to proceed, should have done _something_ more. It would have kept Nina alive...

"Puny, powerless, humans... who can't even save one little girl."

She just wanted to get her and Al's lives back on track. Wanted this nightmare to end before this military took all her tears and her softness from her and turned them into something she didn't recognize.

Then again, maybe she didn't have any tears or softness left to steal.

* * *

 _... I'm so sorry it took me so long to update. I've literally been slammed with school lately, and, though my work load hasn't lightened up at all (I have more stuff now), I hope to update quicker._


End file.
